Advent Activities and Calendar

Back in 2014 I bought a Starbucks advent calendar with magnetic tins filled with goodies.  The next year I filled the tins with fun Christmas activities/ideas on pieces of paper.  The year after that I was overwhelmed and although I did some of the same activities (make cookies, look at lights, etc) we didn't do the advent calendar.

This year I'm *sort* of on the ball.  I'm doing the tins with activities/ideas and also added a beautiful paper advent calendar by Coley Kuyper.  It has gorgeous designs on one side and verses about the Christmas story on the other.  Love it!

Here are the Advent ideas that I'm using this year with my 6 and 10 year old:

1. Set up paper advent together.
2. Set up the wood nativity.
3. Do a Christmas craft together (foam tree).
4. Take a walk around the neighborhood to see lights.
5. Read a Christmas book together. 
6. Illumination tonight! (local light show)
7. Treat 
8. Make Lego Ornaments.
9. Family Service Project. 
10. Nutcracker!
11. Hot Chocolate & Christmas books.
12. Read a Christmas book together.
13. Do a Christmas craft together (snow globe).
14. Drive around to look at lights.
15. Christmas shopping for family (sister & parents)
16. Draw a picture/write a letter to a family member.
17. Bake Cookies
18. Family game night.
19. Read a Christmas book together.
20. Do a Christmas craft together (bead ornaments).
21. Christmas activity books.
22. Christmas movie night. 
23. Take a walk and look at lights.
24. Set up luminaries. 
25. Christmas!

The beauty of this system is that I can trade out papers if plans change.  I can also sub in items like:

• Wrap presents.
• Decorate gingerbread house.
• Bike rides to look at decorations.

And in a pinch I could put in a "treat" of some sort like a little chocolate. 

I love that we are incorporating the Christmas Bible Verses as well as other fun activities.  I want my kids to grow up having sweet memories of our family holidays together. :)

6 Flying Tips for Traveling with School Aged Kids

Ah flying, one of the most fun activities in life, especially with kids.  Not!  Unfortunately it is still a necessary way to get from Point A to Point B.  The good news is there are ways to make it more pleasant for everyone.  Well except for that one grouchy guy sitting near you that refuses to smile and will complain about EVERYTHING.  That guy is on all flights, just try not to sit near him if you can. 

6 Flying Tips

1. Sit near the restroom and behind/around other families.  They most likely won't complain about seat-kicking as much as the grumpy man in front of you!  Being near the restroom you can have an eye on your child without having to actually try to squeeze yourself into the itty-bitty bathroom!  And if you have more than one child then you can stay with one while watching the other.

2. Pack headphones for everyone and at least 2 different electronic devices (kindle, iPad, etc).  You never know if your plane will have programming or if it's age appropriate.

3. Bring a bag to put trash in.  You would not believe how much trash your little people can make in a flight, even a short one!

4. Pick airlines that allow children/families to board early.  This is super helpful in these days of not being able to reserve seats together ahead.  I prefer Southwest because their policy allows families to board between A and B as long as one child is 6 or younger.

5. Bring layers.  Even if it is hot where you are planes get cold.  Make sure to have a sweater or jacket for each child and consider a light blanket as well.  Also socks!  Tiny feet get cold in sandals on planes. 

6. Bring wipes.  Yes, your kids are diaper free now that they're school age but wipes are a must!  Use them to wipe down the table seats (b/c on the flight before you a diaper might have been changed on it......), sticky hands after snacks or spills, etc.  Trust me, wipes are still important. 

So there you go, 6 last travel tips.  I have to say that traveling is MUCH MUCH easier now with my older girls.  There was a time (babies, toddlers, cough cough) that I swore we'd never fly again.  I remember one trip where I actually threatened to stay in Hawaii because I refused to fly back home with my crazy toddler.  Ah, those were the days. (ha!)  But now my kids are great travelers both in the car and on a plane.

So if you have younger kids my advice is to hang in there, it will get better!  But here are some links to my travel tips for younger kids.

Road Trips with Babies & Pre-Schoolers
Traveling with a Toddler - Airplane Activity Kits
Drugging Your Kids and Other Ways to Survive a Red Eye Flight
Disneyland with Small Children - Tips and Tricks

And more for older kids

Road Trip Bags for School Aged Kids
Disneyland with School Aged Kids

(Mostly) Horrible yet entertaining Christmas Movie Rundown

I realize that it's the week before Thanksgiving but it's already that time of year again, Holiday music playing in your car and Christmas movies on your television.  The girls and I started watching holiday films on Netflix this weekend did you?

I've done some research the last couple years and watched oh-so-many Xmas films.  Here are a few short summaries/rundowns so you can decide what to watch and what to skip.  Call it one of my last Christmas Presents for my blog readers.  You're welcome!

Holiday in Handcuffs - Avoid this one at all costs.  Way too cheesy with an impossibly horrendous story line that I couldn't get past.  Well that and the makeup on Mario Lopez.

The 12 Dates of Christmas (2011) - Cheesy but actually entertaining.  It is a take on Groundhog day where the main character relives the same Christmas Eve (with another Saved By the Bell actor) over and over for 12 days.

A Princess for Christmas (2011) - Family movie, definitely made-for-TV but not too painful to watch.  Basic plot is a young aunt raising her daughter's 2 kids after their mother-father died (the year before).  Cue rich/titled foreign and estranged (b/c his son married a commoner) Grandfather to invite them to visit his castle for Christmas.  Enter young handsome uncle who happens to be a Prince and I bet you can figure out what happens next.

Bridget Jones Diary (2001) - A classic.  I love all of the dreamy snow swirling around at night scenes.

Four Christmases (2008) - A Major Motion film, no made-for-TV here.  This one had Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn.  A bit crass, not at all appropriate for the family (the first scene includes having sex in a bar bathroom) but it made a good date-night show for my husband and me.

Bridget Jones The Edge of Reason (2004) - Ah, another relatively painful movie to watch due to her bumbling antics.  This movie is much less of a Christmas-y film as only the first and last scenes take place at Christmas-time.  Not exactly a Christmas classic but entertaining none-the-less.

Love Actually (2003) - A feel good Christmas-time movie.  If this one doesn't make you laugh and then cry at the end you probably are the Grinch.  This one will make you want to hug everyone around you during the final scene.  I will point out that it is another non-family movie as there is nudity and adult elements (sex, porn and swearing to name a few).

Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer (1964) - The classic of all classic children's Christmas films.  This movie was made with claymation in the 60's.  It's a surprisingly long (in-my-opinion) movie about Rudolph and the elf that wanted to be a dentist.  They didn't fit in but found each other and saved Christmas by being themselves.

Holiday Engagement (2011) - Another made for TV movie, this one has Shellie Long in it.  I'm not going to lie, it was Cheesy with a capital C.  However, it was a step up from Holiday in Handcuffs so it wasn't the worst on the list.  Let's just say the ending (obvious green screen and all) will make you laugh and that's something!  The family could watch this one but I think kids would be pretty bored, it has a more grown-up storyline.

Sleepless in Seattle (1993) - I think this one is reaching a little as a "Christmas" movie.  If anything I'd say it's a Valentine's Movie since the last scene takes place on Feb 14th but it was on a Christmas list so I watched it.  I love this film as it brings back memories of watching it in my college dorm on a regular basis.  Ha!  I went to school in Seattle so it was fitting I guess.  Anyway it's a sweet film and mostly family appropriate (there are a few swear words here and there as well as the theme of death/loss).

White Christmas (1954) - A must see Christmas Musical from the 1950s with Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney crooning and freaky-small waisted Vera-Ellen dancing (seriously, it was only 17 inches around in this film!!!).  Complete with snow and ending with "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas".  Love this one!

Christmas Lodge (2011) - This was a made-for-TV movie with a religious theme.  It's what you would expect (no swear words or improper scenes here and NO Santa) and although it's family-friendly (of course) I don't think my daughter would have been interested.  I'd say it's better for the 11 and up crowd.  Not my favorite but it still beats Holiday in Handcuffs.

The Radio City Christmas Spectacular (2007) - Not bad, but a little long and cheesy.  Lots of dancers kicking and costume changes.  Kids enjoyed most of it, but got bored part way through.

Nutcracker: The Motion Picture (1986) This is my favorite version of the Nutcracker.  We have a VHS version but no longer have a VHS player.  Sigh.  For a few years it was on Netflix around Christmastime.  If you can find it watch it!  It is a lovely full stage presentation from the 1980s (Pacific Northwest Ballet).  You may be able to find it other places online as well.  And if anyone wants to buy or borrow my VHS copy just let me know. :)

12 Dog Days Till Christmas (2014) Troubled foster teenager has to do community service at Christmastime.  He's assigned to find homes for 12 unwanted dogs.  Add awkward acting, some teen angst and a little romance and you've got a family-friendly holiday film that may be more interesting to your tweens/teens than younger kids. There are a couple familiar C list actors in this film but the real draw are the dogs.  My dog loving kids enjoyed all the dog scenes and tolerated the rest. :)

Happy Christmas (2014) I'm a big Anna Kendrick fan so she's the main reason I watched this film.  It's story about a 20-something woman (Kendrick) who after a breakup moves in with her brother and his wife/baby.  She's irresponsible (drinking/partying) and her sister-in-law is a bored SAHM.  The film is low budget and although it has Christmas in the title it's a stretch to call it a Christmas film (or Happy for that matter!).  This is an adult film, not so much family friendly. 


Christmas Belle (2013) Belle (Haylie Duff) is sent to handle the sale of an estate and it's contents the week before Christmas. Add a suitor back home and a grumpy/Grinch (often shirtless Nicholas Gonzales) estate owner and you've got a Holiday Love triangle!  I won't give the (somewhat drawn out) ending away but this movie although expectedly cheesy is worth a view.  

Another (unconventional) first

I'm one of those moms that document as many of my kid's firsts as possible.  First teeth, first steps, first airplane trip, first day of school, etc.  However, we also keep track of other firsts like first time getting out of the crib, first public tantrum and first blowout. ;)

Yesterday's first was my youngest's first ER visit!  Also first cut requiring medical attention.  Fortunately she didn't need stitches, just some glue.  Also she was lucky enough to have the cut right at her eyebrow so scarring will be less likely. 

She was a trooper, enjoying all the attention from the nurses and staff.  She was reluctant to have the purple glue attached but only fussed a little. A popsicle and toy helped cheer her up.

Here's hoping we don't have anymore medical firsts this year such as first broken bone or stitches! 

Note: The cut happened at school when some kids tripped her and she fell on the playground steps. 

How my oldest discovered the Tooth Fairy Isn't Real

My firstborn is quickly approaching age 10 (this month!!!) and she just discovered that the Tooth Fairy is Mom.  I was pretty sure she already knew this summer after she peppered me one morning with so so many questions...but she insisted that she believed until her Dad told her the truth.

Yes that's right, her father told her last weekend when she lost tooth #14 that the Tooth Fairy was Mom.  It was my fault because I fell asleep early that night and forgot to slip the note/money under her pillow.  The next morning she came out sad faced to her Dad and he decided it was time to tell her the truth (his response "she's almost 10").  

He sat her down and told her that it was Mom all these years and that she'll still get money even though she knows.  Also that we need to keep the secret from her sister for a few more years (she's only 6).  My daughter took it well and I showed her where I'd collected all her teeth (I know I know, it's weird) and she enjoyed looking them over.

So for now she only believes in Mermaids and Unicorns. Love my big girl!

Tooth #1

For more on how our family does  the Tooth Fairy check out: Tooth Fairy Traditions. 

Tooth #14

Talking to Kids about Death

I've been mulling over sharing how my little family dealt with the topic of death this year.  It took me a few months but I'm finally ready.  Earlier this winter my father passed away after a long battle with Alzheimer's.  A battle so long that it encompassed my girl's entire lives.  As a result his death was not a surprise, but something we had prepared for for quite some time.  However, there really is only so much you can plan for, even with an expected eventual death there are unexpected emotions and realities.

My father's decline was experienced for some time, and he was living in a Care Home when he passed.  However, the actual passing happened quickly and with only a little notice.  As a result I had to fly out unexpectedly while they were at school to be there in time to be with him as he left this life.  

When I returned home a few days later I started conversations about what happened, his death and how they felt about it all.  It was a process and I found that my youngest was the most effected, she didn't want me out of her sight for quite awhile after my return.  I had to reassure her frequently and spend extra time with her so that she could feel secure again.

Here's what I did and what I would do differently if I could.

Death
What Helped

1. Honest communication - I allowed my girls to ask questions and to talk about Grandpa's death when it was comfortable for them.   I purchased a couple books online and borrowed one from the library that dealt with death and grieving.  Although no book is a perfect match they at least offer topics for kids to discuss with you.  You can also talk about what ways you agree or disagree with the book, this may be especially important with your family's beliefs on the afterlife.  
2. Talking about Highs and Lows - We came up with lists of the good and bad parts of Grandpa passing.  For example a good was that Grandpa had his memory back and was whole, also that he got to be with all of his friends and family that were already in heaven!  A low being that we missed him and wouldn't get to see him anymore.
3. Reassurance - My youngest had a *really* hard time with being away from me after my dad died.  This is mostly because I left while she was at school, so she didn't get to say goodbye.  But also because she folded that feeling/fear into the permanent goodbye of my dad.  Reassuring her that I'm not going anywhere and that I plan to live a long life was helpful to her security.

What I would do Differently

1. I would have prepared my girls better the day I flew out.  Either by letting them know that there was a possibility I might have to leave that day, or by leaving them messages.  I was in such a hurry and in the midst of grief that I didn't take the space to think of them.

The time between when my Dad died and his funeral and then burial were all weeks and months apart.  The girls joined me at  Dad's funeral almost a month after he died.  We used that time to prepare the girls by talking about what a funeral/memorial service looks like so that they would know what to expect.  As a result they were pretty comfortable on that day and handled the situation really well. 

Memorial Service/Funeral

What Helped

1. Describe ahead what a memorial service usually looks like.  Talk about how some people may be laughing at times and smiling, and at other times crying.  That both are normal!  Let them know who will most likely be there and that lots of people will be strangers to them, but were close friends to your loved one.
2. Include your kids in decisions that they can have some say in such as what they will wear.  We were making our own flower arrangements for the church and my oldest was able to help grandma select the flowers and arrange them.
3. Go over rules regarding behavior and expectations, especially if this church (or any church) is new to your kids.  Talk about voice level, running, etc.
4. During the service I had the kids sit with my husband (behind me) so that I could experience my own feelings without them having to respond to or take care of me.  I did let them know ahead that mommy might be sad or cry, but that this is totally normal because I am sad about Grandpa passing.  Also that it's okay if they cry and okay if they don't.

Burial

My family waited to bury Dad's ashes until the summer, so it was quite a few months after his memorial.  During the in-between time we talked more about death and I prepared them for the burial.  What it would look like, who would be there and how they could be involved.  

Our situation was a little unique in that Dad was buried in a very small private community cemetery.  As a result we did the actual digging/burying ourselves.  The kids were invited to participate and they both did (happily).  In a more traditional burial you could have your kids place flowers on the grave, or toss flowers on top of a casket.   

We also had a time of remembering Dad where each family member shared a memory of Dad.  The kids were included in this part and were warned ahead so they could prepare. They were given the choice to opt-out, but both of my girls shared something.  Kids could also share a poem, favorite joke or even sing a song.

There is nothing I would do differently with the memorial and the burial.  They were both positive experiences with my girls and I noticed that they were able to process his death as a normal part of life.

We still talk about Grandpa and when I had moments of sadness after his passing I made sure to be honest/open with them.  That way they would normalize sadness and grief as normal reactions to loss.  I let them share how this made them feel and what their hopes were about death ("that mommy lives a long time").

For more information on Dementia 

Talking to Kids about Alzheimer's

Recordable Books Treasured Memories
Goodbye Dad
Visiting Memory Care/Nursing Homes with Kids
Gift Ideas for Loved Ones with Dementia

First Week of School

My girls (and I) survived their first week of school!  Unlike last year there were no tears, just happy smiles and lots of excitement.

Now it wasn't a perfect week, there were a few bumps and challenges but we made it through and the kids are ready for week two.

We started the night before school with a special dinner.  Then we packed lunches (ahead!! what?) and picked out their first day clothes.  The first day of school they were up and ready so early that we had time to stop at Starbucks for a first day of school treat for them and me.

I managed to find ways to fill my time while they were in school. 😉  I eased into it by hanging by the pool (with a friend) and meeting friends for boba and coffee.  Add a few errands and some housework and the days flew by.

Here's to another great year of school!

For past 1st days of school:

Kindergarten (my oldest)
Kindergarten (my youngest)

School Starts Tomorrow - Summer Highlights :)

Yes it's true, today is my family's last day of summer vacation. The kids start school tomorrow and it will be a bittersweet day for sure!  We had a fun filled summer break with a few trips, lots of play dates and many days just spent at home.  Heaven!

Here are the highlights:

Trip to Zion National Park (especially the UTV Adventure)

Flower Girls for my Niece Kathryn's Wedding 

Trip to WA to visit family (and get out of the desert oven!!!)

Fishing Trip to Alaska (just my husband and our oldest)

Rubber Ducky Birthday Party to celebrate our 6 year old!!

Swim Lessons (super fun this year)

Pool Play Dates - With Juice Otter Pops!

Vacation Bible School (youngest) and Church Camp in the mountains (oldest)

Summer Facts

• 3 = Teeth Lost (2 for big sister, 1 for little with another super loose right now!)
• 3 = States Visited
• 10.5 = Weeks of Vacation
• 4 Doctor Visits 
• 2 Dentist Visits
• 5 = Modes of unusual transport (National Park Bus, kayak, ferry, UTV, float plane) 
• 6 = Times watched the movie Moana
• 12 = Pool Play Dates
• 14 = Coffee Dates 

Whew, that was a fun summer.  The kids are ready to go back to school and I am hoping that this year is a smooth transition, especially for me!  It was quite an adjustment for me last fall getting used to having all my kids out of the house for full days.  Let's see if this year is better. :)  

Summer Sisters

I recently saw a blog post on Nienie dialogues about her big-girls and all the sister things they do.  It inspired me to write about my own sisters, although they're a lot younger at age 5 (*almost* 6) and 9.  We're almost halfway through summer and this is what I live/hear/survive/enjoy most days. :)

They laugh
They swim
They play Lego's
They play hairdresser
They do piano duets
They argue
They fight
They make up
They sing
They dance
They play little people
They create messes (aka projects)
They eat Popsicles
They read
They talk instead of sleeping

They sister

So far summer is going fantastically!  We have more adventures ahead including our trip to visit grandma in WA for the 4th of July.  As much as I love living here in Phoenix I will admit that the summers do get a *tad* hot and it's nice to have a break in cold and wet Washington and to stay in the tiny beach cottage.  I'm sure I'll have some photos to share, stay tuned!

Last Day of School: Before/After Photos (a mama can't help herself)

Last Day of School and the First Day of School

Today was my girl's last day of school.  It's been a long and sometimes hard year (for me!!) but they've had a fantastic time.  So Kindergarten/3rd Grade is in the books and we're onto 1st/4th grade in....2.5 months.

So how did I spend my last morning of school, why having breakfast with my best friend of course. 

We've got lots going on this summer; trips, swimming lessons, camp, play-dates and a few surprises!  I need to work on my Summer Plan board!  But first, an afternoon with the kids and a swim play-date tomorrow morning.  

Welcome Summer!

PSA - Get those Graduation Books out!

A few years ago when my youngest was in Kindergarten I was browsing on Pinterest and saw the idea of having teachers sign the same book each year and then give the book to them at graduation.

Well it's the best idea except two tiny things.....

1. You have to keep the book hidden for 12-13 years!
2. You have to ask the teachers to sign each year.

And last but not least:

3. If you have more than 1 child you have to do it for (all of) them too!

So.....that brings me to my PSA today.  If you have one of those books for your sweet kids then pull them out and have the teacher sign in ASAP.  You want to make sure they have enough time, I'd suggest 3-4 weeks before the last day of school since they already have SO MUCH going on at the end of the year.

In the beginning I was able to send the book in my daughter's backpack with a note but now that she's older I had to coordinate with her teacher by retrieving it from their office mailbox.

If you haven't started this tradition yet I recommend the classic "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" by Dr Suess.  Or the one I bought our youngest, "The Wonderful Things You Will Be" by Emily Winfield Martin.


 

A couple tips to make this a success:

1. Make sure your book is hardback, they'll hold up better over the next 13 years.

2. Keep the book in an envelope such as a used Priority Mail envelope (or two).  This will work when they're younger (can go back and forth in a backpack), but once they get older and wiser you'll have to get more sneaky.

3. If 13 years of tracking down teachers seems overwhelming make a smaller goal, perhaps just elementary school.  I'm leaning more towards finishing up our books for 8th grade graduation. :)

Now I need to get started on the end of the year teacher's gifts, we only have 3 more days of school!!  Woot woot!

Talking to Kids about Alzheimer's

My father had a long journey with Alzheimer's that spanned over 14 years. When my Dad started showing symptoms I was a young adult living in another state, focused on my own life, madly in love and planning my wedding.  It took me awhile to take my Mom's updates seriously and to recognize the symptoms.  

The first time I acknowledged the reality that my Dad was changing was during a visit when he kept repeating the same conversation over and over.  He also read newspaper articles and headlines (out loud) repeatedly.  And most alarming at a family function I overheard him talking and realized that he had forgotten that I was there even though I was standing just a few feet from him.  At this point I was newly pregnant with my first baby.

By the time my baby girl was born Dad was clearly confused.  He didn't know where he was or what we were doing, but he was (mostly) content.  He was also a fantastic grandfather.  

My parents came out to help after my daughter was born and he would hold her, love on her, tell me how beautiful she was and remember her name.  

As she grew he celebrated her milestones along with us, rejoicing over her walking, eating foods and generally being an adorable baby.  By the time she turned 3 he was asking over and over when she'd be starting kindergarten since she was so advanced.

When my oldest was little he would read to her for hours.  Repeating the same favorite book over and over didn't bother him in the slightest since he didn't remember that he'd just read it.  They would talk and read in the backseat of my car happily, he thought she was marvelous.

I didn't talk much to my oldest about her grandfather's disease at this point, since she didn't know anything was different or out of the ordinary.

By the time I was pregnant with my second daughter my Dad had slipped quite a bit more.  Multiple times a day he would see my big belly during visits and ask when I was due.  He was sweet and excited for me but becoming increasingly less patient with my 3 year old since he was regressing in his emotional maturity at this point and starting to match hers.

He would get angry with my oldest and had a hard time sharing or dealing with her typical 3 year old behavior.  As a result we had to move Dad to the front seat to keep her safe and make sure she always had mom or grandma with her when grandpa was there.  This was a really tough transition for me and also for my daughter.  She started to realize that sometimes grandpa would react "funny" or "scary" and didn't know why. 

I purchased a couple books around this time to help explain his illness to her.  For the most part they were pretty wordy and advanced so I had to simplify it for her.  It's also tricky because every Alzheimer's journey is different.  Some symptoms are similar but we couldn't relate exactly with the stories in the books.

Still My Grandpa
What's Happening to Grandpa

In time I found that just talking about his disease was easier.  We would talk ahead of a visit (we saw them about 4x a year), during the visit and after the visit.  But I kept the books around so they could grab them for me to read (or read to themselves) whenever they wanted.

How I explained Alzheimer's:

Using developmentally appropriate words I explained that grandpa's brain isn't working well anymore.  That he has an illness that is progressing and parts of grandpa keep going away.  I gave examples of brain-parts that no longer work as the deficits kept progressing such as: his patient part, the part that tells his tummy he's full/just eaten, the part that takes turns, the part that says please and thank you.  Later I had to explain that the part that tells him it's time to use the potty or go to sleep (this was easier to explain as her little sister was potty training around the same time).

I told her that he was slowly going backwards in his brain, that he was getting younger while she was getting older.  

These simple explanations seemed to satisfy my oldest, and later my youngest.

Focus on Strengths:

At the same time we were talking about what wasn't working with my Dad I also highlighted what he could still do.  To focus on his strengths!  What he still tolerated/appreciated: hugs, a picture, reading to him, watching a show he likes, taking a walk on the beach, etc.

I also pointed out what my kids did that Dad loved.  How he lit up when they talked to him.  How he hugged back.  How he smiled whenever they came close.  How he remembered my youngest daughter's middle name (which was amazing!).

Talk about the Past:

Since my Dad was not able to tell them stories about his childhood or mine I filled in the blanks for him.  I told my kids about what Dad used to be like (and I still do!).  Showed them photos, videos, slides and especially highlighted the good memories as well as my Dad's character qualities/personality.

Reassure and Answer Questions:

During our regular conversations about Dad I found that their most pressing concerns were about me.  They needed to hear that I wouldn't get Alzheimer's and leave them.  So I made sure to tell them over and over that scientists are working really hard on a cure right now and that although it will be too late for grandpa it will be in time for me if I was to get the illness.  This seemed to satisfy them.

I had our family participate in a Walk to End Alzheimer's and pointed out all of the people coming together to raise money for a cure.

Remember to:

• Allow your kids to ask questions freely (or not, don't push the topic if they are not ready).
• Have time before, during and after visits to discuss what they see and feel.
• Be honest, if you don't have answers let them know that.
• Reassure them and point out what they are doing well.
• If your kids aren't big on talking try using art.  Ask them to draw how they feel, or draw the grandparent, visits, etc.
• Let them know that it is hard for you too.  Share your feelings so they know they're not alone.  Don't hide all of your pain or they won't learn that it is normal.
• Take LOTS of photos of your kids with their grandparent.  You can look back on these photos together to remember, reinforce their relationship and to fill in gaps once grandpa is gone.
• Reach out for help if you need it from a professional counselor or support group.

If you have a parent or loved one with dementia I highly recommend the book "The 36-Hour Day".  This book was very helpful for me to understand what was happening to my Dad, what would be coming and ways to make our relationship (and his relationship with my kids) go more smoothly.









For more on Alzheimers:

Recordable Books Treasured Memories
Goodbye Dad
Visiting Memory Care/Nursing Homes with Kids
Gift Ideas for Loved Ones with Dementia

A day in the airport, puke and almost a head-on collision: The Vacation is Officially Over

We just got back from a wonderful family vacation full of beautiful beaches, warm breezes, WAY too much food, friends, pampering and lots of time together.  It could have been a rough transition going from the cruise boat to the airport.  Especially when my anticipated 6 hrs in the airport (which by the way is already a REALLY long time but sort of unavoidable with the flight options/disembarking procedures) turned into 10 hrs at the airport, plus another 5.5 hrs on the plane!

All together it ended up taking 17 hours for us to get home, which meant it felt like 3:34am to us (1:45 local time) before the kids got to bed.  Yikes!

And did I mention that my 5 year old started throwing up 10 minutes from home?  Oh yes, that was a unexpected challenge. :)

But, despite all the delays I am thankful.  I am thankful that we were safe in that airport, as the delays were due to severe storms and storm watches that occurred in other parts of the country.  Storms that took lives.

I am thankful that we made it home, so so many of the travelers around us had to spend the night in the airport as they couldn't make connecting flights.

I am thankful that we found an electrical outlet early on in our airport stay, we kept that thing busy all day and once the terminal was standing room only and more and more stranded travelers streamed in I was especially thankful that we were able to sit together.

I was mindful that the very same airport (Ft Lauderdale) was closed with stranded passengers only 2 weeks before for a horrific reason, and was thankful that that day we were all safe.

My kids kept busy with game players, homework, Netflix, reading and even napping.  We were crowded but the terminal had food and even a Starbucks so I was happy too.

But I am mostly thankful because this morning, only a few miles from home we had a close call. I was driving our van home from the airport on a freeway going the speed limit (65 mph) when a Jeep came out of nowhere going the wrong direction right towards us in the lane next to me.  

It all happened so fast and was so disorienting, as you don't see cars coming at you on a freeway very often (or never in my case).  I've heard of this happening, unfortunately it is rather common in my area, usually late at night/early in the morning and almost always because of drunk driving.  

It was 1:20am and we were distracted by my puking 5 year old in the backseat but I was aware enough to stay in my lane and not collide with him.  We called 911 immediately to report it but found out later that he had collided with another vehicle shortly after passing us.  He also caused another accident by cars swerving to avoid him.

I read that it wasn't a fatality, and the wrong-way driver had the worst injuries.  Partly because there were no passengers and they both swerved at the last second so they collided on the passenger sides of their vehicles.  The jeep looked totalled in photos.

That could have been us. 

I'm tired, feel like I'm still on a moving boat and have piles of laundry (plus a sick kid home) but am thankful.  So thankful. Thankful for a wonderful family vacation and getting back home safely!

I'll be back with photos and a review of our trip on the Holland America Koningsdam boat soon.  Well as soon as the room feels like it's not swaying back and forth. 😳

Visiting Nursing Homes with Kids - Tips and Advice

Visiting a nursing home/care home with your preschoolers or school aged children can be a challenge.  When you add children to an environment with unpredictable adults and then add in a (potentially) emotional situation it's no surprise that it can be very stressful.

However, I've found that the more you prepare your kids ahead, and normalize (talk through) any potential obstacles the smoother the visits can be.

For example before going to the care facility take some time and talk with your kids about how your parent/grandparent/loved one is doing.  What their current limitations are (sight, walking, talking, ability to feed themselves, etc) as well as what they can still do.

Also talk ahead about:

1. Smells - Poop/Urine
2. Sounds - Screaming, singing, bad words, laughing
3. Sights - People in wheelchairs, strangers smiling at or talking to them.
4. Rules - Boundaries, where they can and cannot go (for example bathrooms in the units may be off limits), food is just for residents, etc. 

Try to have a conversation about what they might see and what that would feel like to them, how they might react.  You could even do a little role  playing for what to do if someone wants to talk to them, etc.  Remember that your loved one might not be exhibiting these behaviors, but someone else in the facility may be.

Also talk about how the kids should act, what is and isn't allowed.  I'd suggest low voices, no sibling fighting, no running, etc.  

Come Prepared

Bring activities for the kids to do alone, together as well as with your loved one depending on how the visit is going.  When we first visited my dad my oldest was pretty apprehensive and in order to have her feel safe/comfortable she spent most of that first visit playing her Nintendo DS.  She was with us, but able to be in her own little world.  As she became more comfortable on subsequent visits the video games weren't necessary anymore and she was able to interact with us.

Consider bringing artwork that your kids have made or pictures of them to put up in your loved ones room.  That is a way to keep them engaged and to show that they are important to your loved one's space.

Activities to do Alone:

Game Players, books, tablets with games/videos

Activities to do with sibling/others:

Coloring, puzzles, painting, simple games

Activities with your loved one:

My dad joined in a little bit with painting (with some assistance).  He had watched the kids painting and I decided to see if he'd like to try and he did!  Now all of the above activities can be done in the same area as your loved one, our kids did simple puzzles (to be finished quickly and put away easily) at the table with dad.  He enjoyed watching them/us even if he didn't actively participate.

Another activity is reading together.  Illustrated children's books like James Herriot's Treasury of Children's Stories were popular with the kids and my dad, they all appreciated the beautiful drawings.  You could also look at photo books together (like the personalized ones we made for him).

If your loved one is still able to talk and communicate somewhat try to engage them in questions and be ready to write down what they say, as these gems are little gifts.  Or perhaps have your phone make recordings of your conversations.

And my best advice, take photos!  Take as many photos as possible of your kids and your loved one.  Depending on their ages your children may not remember the visits or even that they knew your loved one, so photos can help fill in the gaps when you tell them about this special person in the years to come.  

Do's:

• Prepare your kids ahead.
• Make sure they're well rested, well fed before a visit (and bring snacks, for your loved one too) and have used the bathroom.
• Bring activities and things to do.
• Be flexible, you may need to adjust the visit depending on how your loved one or kids are doing.  Consider taking a bathroom or drinking fountain break if your kids are struggling.
• Answer their questions, even if it's just to tell them that you'll talk about it later if it isn't an appropriate time right then.
• Give lots of positive feedback to your kids during and after visits.  Try to leave on a positive note.

Do Not:

• Make the visit too long, have a reasonable amount of time for all involved.  A few shorter visits (2 in a day for example) are better than one really long one.
• Expect or force your kids to preform if they don't want to, no forced piano playing or singing for example.
• Force hugs or kisses by your kids.  Let them interact with your loved one as they feel comfortable.

For more information on a parent with Alzheimer's check out:

Gift Ideas for Loved Ones with Dementia